Main Page Related Sites RSS Feed
I ate something that didn't agree with me, and unfortunately the "Coexist" bumper stickers haven't had much of an influence.
I don't believe I've ever replaced the ink in a pen.
I wonder what would be a polite way to tell someone that I don't want him to have my phone number. "Sorry, it's a closed-circuit phone. It can only call other members of the UFO cult I joined this morning."
Protestants celebrate Reformation Day. Roman Catholics celebrate All Saints Day. Pagans celebrate Samhain. But we all eat candy.
Shampoo bottles come with instructions. I'm amazed at the idea of someone that knows how to read but doesn't know how to use shampoo.
One of the most memorable pranks of childhood: "This Capri Sun is awfully light."
I'm normally pretty anti-genocide, but I think I can make an exception for spiders.
"I think your phone is broken."
"The send-to-voicemail function seems to be working fine."
I saw an ad a few years back for Walgreens saying "If you don't like the holiday crowds, then come to Walgreens." So, Walgreens was advertising that they don't have any customers.
If there were any truth to chain letters, then by now I would have been beaten, stabbed, shot, and mutilated more than Rasputin.
Remember the "Wow" potato chips? If you do, you're probably still sick.
I never sue anybody. Hit men are cheaper and more effective than lawyers.
If I made electronics, I'd put a sticker on each one that said "Do not remove this sticker."
This nation needs personality rehab centers.
There is no such thing as a stupid question. But there is such a thing as a question that reveals how stupid you are.
Some are born into greatness; others have it thrust upon them. I prefer to be a critic of the great; they don't do anything.
Why is it that Reese's tastes so much better in egg form?
Bacon cheeseburger: Because I require the sacrifice of two animals.
I don't play hunger games, but I do play "Let's see how many donut holes I can fit into my mouth."
When choosing between 20 minutes doing work and 4 hours writing a program to do the work for me, I will choose the 4 hours every time.